i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
