well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Randomize
