I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
