Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
