Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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