I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
