I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
