They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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