in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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