Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Let's get the cat blown out
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
