U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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