yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
