its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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