Do you still have your period?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Life is so much better after having sex.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
