Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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