I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
