i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
