So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
