i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
