Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My ATM looks so different sober.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
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