We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
