Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
