you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
