Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
