Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
True but thats because hes a fetus.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
