I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
