just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
