I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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