8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
