my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
