you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
