allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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