He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
