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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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