guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
