What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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