You don't have asthma, your pregnant
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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