i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
