Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
