I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry my hands just texted you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
