have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
