she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
