A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
