he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
