She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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