I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
