I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
