i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
