Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
