You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
