Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
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