im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
