your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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